


The Stars of Heaven Hovered Over Us

by Darkhymns



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Desperation, Dreams, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Guilt, I'm so sorry, Intimacy, Oral Sex, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-07 02:02:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15898653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/pseuds/Darkhymns
Summary: It was just before the battle with Kratos to release Origin's Seal. Yet a wrong turn into the forest gets both Lloyd and Colette lost, seemingly closed off from the world.He never got over almost losing Colette forever, he realized.





	The Stars of Heaven Hovered Over Us

**Author's Note:**

> haha well okay
> 
> I had this idea for a while but only finally got inspired to write it. I am sorry to anyone if this is not your thing, but it was something I needed to have written down. Will make more innocent fluff the next time. Forewarning that the main theme of this is very much sex focused, and hopefully the tags are warning enough. So, have fun thanks! /scuttles away

_In his dreams, he failed her._

_When Colette said goodbye, Lloyd could no longer remember that he had fought against Remiel. That he had won and had gotten Colette back with him, even when no recognition lit her eyes. All he saw was her being taken away and him rushing forward. But the distance was too vast, and the light of her wings were suddenly too bright. It was so hard to focus._

_“Give her back!” he would try to shout. But nothing would come out, and because he couldn’t speak, he could never reach her. His swords were heavy, his legs were weak. Not even his friends were here with him. Getting back Colette suddenly felt impossible._

_Even so, Remiel would look down at him, knowing what he wanted to say. His eyes were cold and the beating of his own wings were so rigid. Colette’s wings would match in time with her own false father’s._

_“This body has taken sixteen years to complete,” Remiel said, and something about that time frame dug deep inside Lloyd’s head. As if there had only been a finite amount of years left for him and Colette, as if there had been no way to break it._

_“This body is for Martel, not for you.”_

_Lloyd kept trying to run to them, but his legs gave out under him and suddenly he was sinking and gone, and the coffins that floated around him were fully in his vision. He had never felt so cold. He shouted for Colette’s name, knowing that she would never hear it, never even know it anymore, or care that was crying out for her._

_In his dreams, he always failed her._

* * *

A large thumping sound exploded in his right ear. It pushed Lloyd past the point of sleepiness, awaking him so fully that he nearly jumped out of bed, hands searching for his weapons.

"Wha-? Who's there?!" he shouted, blinking his eyes in the half-light of dawn. The room was cold from the open window, the sky outside lightening from the early hour. He kept turning his head, wondering suddenly where he was.

"Bud, seriously, calm the fuck down already."

Zelos' voice brought down his rapid heartbeat. Sitting up on his mattress, he looked across from him where Zelos' own bed was. The guy’s red hair was a complete frizzy mess, dark bags pulling down his eyes.

Then Lloyd remembered things more clearly. In Heimdall. Yeah, they were in Heimdall, preparing for their next move. Mithos was gone, but the worlds were still separated, and the only way to fix that was to get the summon spirit, Origin. Which was sealed by Kratos. They had decided to room here in this village of the elves, and Lloyd had taken the short straw to room with Zelos.

Lloyd took a deep breath, only realizing now how winded he felt, as if he had been fighting for his very life. He tried to not reveal that much to Zelos, though the other had his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Uh, sorry," he said lamely. "What… um, just happened?"

Zelos ran a hand through his hair, not letting up his glare. "Well,  _I_ was getting my beauty sleep. Good looks like these don't come easy, you know." He gestured to his face with a smile, but didn't let Lloyd interrupt him to get on with it. "And then what do I hear in my dreams but you tossing and turning in your sleep. Which you've been doing for the past hour. Shouldn't have to deal with that, so I tried to wake you up."

"How did-?" Lloyd started to ask, but already saw his answer. To his right side was Zelos' boot perched nicely on one his pillows. He put things together, figuring what had caused that large thump sound from earlier that had nearly stopped his heart.

"Did you throw your shoe at me while I was sleeping?"

Zelos held up his hands. "Hey, you weren't responding to my sweet voice at all. How else was I supposed to wake you up?"

"By not hitting me in the head!"

"I wasn't aiming at your head!" Zelos gave a long-suffering sigh. "The things I do for my friends."

Lloyd frowned, but didn't push it anymore. Right now his head was hurting enough anyway, and he didn't much want to bother with Zelos' explanations. "Well, I'm awake now, that's for sure."

Then Zelos was staring at him again, any playfulness or mock annoyance in his features now replaced with concern. "Say, what were you dreaming about anyway?"

Immediately, Lloyd knew exactly what he was dreaming about. The memory of it sent a chill through his spine, one that he hadn't felt in a long time, ever since-

"I can't remember," he answered.

Zelos wasn't convinced. Though still in his own bed, his hair a mess, his sleeping clothes wrinkled, his serious expression never let up.

"Lloyd," he said softly. "You were screaming."

The worst part was, Lloyd was very, very sure that had happened. Even so, he tried to laugh it off. "Heh, you sure? I was - I was probably just sleep talking or something. I used to do that a lot."

Zelos raised an eyebrow. "It wasn't really loud screams or anything, but it was screaming still. It was like you were drowning or something, the way you kept kicking your legs and all… Is this about the whole Kratos thing?"

Lloyd didn't really have an answer for that. Maybe it was? It still weighed on him a lot, but there was more to it than that. Somehow, the uncertainty and fear that he felt came rushing back, and it reminded him.

 _Her heart and memory of you are now gone._ And suddenly he was shivering again. He had to will himself to stop. It was fine. Mithos was gone.

Colette was safe.

"I'm a little worried, but I'll be fine." He then threw off the bedcovers, bare feet placed on the freezing hardwood floors of their room. The chill from that seemed to comfort him. "Now I'm way too hungry to go back to bed."

Zelos blinked, then followed suit. "Hey! I'm not letting you eat all the pancakes like last time! How else can I maintain this figure without the important meal of the day?"

And that had been enough for Zelos to forget, or at the very least, to back off. Lloyd could deal with this himself.

It wasn't like those nightmares were anything new to him.

* * *

“How was your sleep, Lloyd?”

Colette sat next to him during breakfast, her eyes bright and cheerful, and her smile as soft as ever. The time of her soullessness had been a while ago, but Lloyd remembered. Still, he grinned back once he stole the last pancake from a pouting Zelos.

“Slept like a log last night!” he proclaimed. “Now I’m ready to do whatever!”

“That’s good!” Colette added. “You looked a little tired, so I was worried.”

Oh. He hadn’t realized that maybe that was the case. For a moment, he wondered if maybe she knew what he had been dreaming about. That was weird though.

“Eh, it’s fine. There’s been a lot of stuff happening, you know.”

“Yeah.” Colette paused, then turned back to her plate. “I really hope everything works out for the best!”

Heimdall, usually so secluded and wary of outsiders, had let their whole group in so that they could make their way to Torent Forest. The location was all that Kratos would give them, and still Lloyd worried about their eventual meeting. Apparently, his father would wait there for as long as he needed to. That was… so weird. His father. Even once they all left the inn, he still kept going over it, just another thing that weighed on his mind.

“We don’t need to go to him right away,” Professor Raine had told everyone. “At the very least, we should assess our surroundings first.”

Most of the elves steered clear of the group, only showing them the pathway that led into the forest. It wasn’t as foreboding as Gaoracchia, or as easy to navigate as the forest near Iselia was. Already there were many branching pathways, and certain places where the sun was dim, barely being let through the trees’ branches.

“That sounds reasonable. We could even prepare ourselves for the fight with the creatures that lurk around here.” Regal agreed with Raine, of course. But Lloyd really just wanted to get it over with.

“The longer we wait around, the more time the worlds will stay separated! We should hurry and find him!”

Colette rose up to Lloyd’s defense. “That’s right! And… it would be a bit rude to make him wait.”

The adults just shook their heads, while Genis and Sheena just looked worried, and Zelos looked to begrudgingly agree if he hadn’t had to wake up so damn early. Still, Lloyd was glad for Colette’s support. She always did so, and all he had to do to repay her was keep her safe. That was all.

“Okay, well, any ideas where we should start off next?” Genis said, eyes scanning the tall trees, much taller than back in Iselia. Mana was still thriving, allowing the plants to grow to such heights, for the vista of green was enough to override everyone’s senses. “Even the elves don’t travel much here apparently.”

Lloyd, priding himself on his own sense of direction, pointed down a random path. “I say we go this way!”

“Oh! Good job, Lloyd!”

Presea did not share Colette’s enthusiasm. “That is the very path that we came from.”

“Uh, okay, then this way!”

Genis sighed. “We’re doing great.”

* * *

Torent Forest wasn’t Gaoracchia Forest for sure, where it was said that most passerbys were doomed to be lost in and never come out again. But it didn’t make navigating the place any easier.

“Lloyd! This is the _third_ time you’ve lost where that animal went!”

“I know, I know!” Usually Lloyd would take a little ribbing from Genis, but with everyone here always suggesting a different direction and with what lay ahead of him, he was running out of patience. “Well, my Sorcerer’s Ring says it’s gone this way!”

“It’s not a compass, stupid!”

There was probably something wrong about shooting fire in some furry animal’s home, but it was the only way he was getting results! Finally, after another turn down the path, he saw the flick of a brown tail through the brush. “There it is! Let’s go!”

“Honestly, why are we even chasing after it?” Sheena voiced aloud, though she was alone in this thought. While Lloyd dashed after it, Colette was quick to follow, like the times when they were children, rushing all around the village while Genis kept straggling behind.

“Guys, hold up!” Genis shouted. But Lloyd was hot in pursuit, and knowing Colette was there with him only pushed him on. They made it past a waterfall, and a tall, overarching cliff. Some tree trunks had fallen to the side, and the ground felt soft and muddy. Still, Lloyd kept running.

“I think I see it over there!” Colette shouted, pointing to the right. Now if they could just-

Lloyd’s legs started to sink.

For a brief, horrifying moment, the world of his dreams flashed right back at him. The inevitable sinking, the silence of his own voice – even the sight of Colette’s wings, bright against his eyes, left him at a standstill. His whole body fell forward through crumbling ground, the sunlight rapidly leaving him to whatever darkness below.

But it wasn’t his dream again. Because Colette was there, calling out his name, her wings beating rapidly as she grabbed his hand. Yet she still had her talent, somehow tripping in mid-air to only plummet down with him and into the hole they had stumbled into. Lloyd heard the others’ voices for a shockingly brief moment, before they were swallowed up by whatever place he had gotten into. Still unable to speak, he wrapped his arms around Colette, who was unsure which way was up.

Luckily, the fall wasn’t a long one.

“Ow!” Lloyd’s back hit roughly against dirt, while Colette sprawled on top of him. It was still very dark, though he could see a little bit around them with the help of her wings.

“Oh no! Are you hurt?” She quickly got off him, hands instantly going for his own to help him stand.

“I’m fine, just… Where are we now?”

He had no idea that the forest would hold underground caves like this. The air was damp, and he could hear the sound of rushing water from further into the darkness they had found themselves in. It reminded him so much of Latheon Gorge with its crisscrossing network of caverns, populating the cliffs. But there was no sunlight to help him see. Colette kept her wings out, shades of pink and violet covering the ground, as well as the mound of rocks before them.

“I think we fell into a cave-in..” Colette wondered aloud. She stood on her tiptoes, trying to see above them. “Oh no.. I can’t see the way out. The rocks are blocking the way.”

Lloyd wouldn’t let himself worry. The dream was already fading away from his mind. Here was something that he could do. “We can move these rocks out of the way. Then you can fly us back up!” To make his words a reality, he went over to a midsize boulder to lift it up. He was already struggling with it in the first five seconds. He tried then to just push it to the side, but barely budged it an inch. He did it to the point when his arms became numb with the strain “O-okay, maybe not…”

“Oh! Let me help!” Colette went over and encircled the boulder with one arm, easily lifting it onto her shoulder. “I can probably do the rest if you want to rest your back, Lloyd!”

Ah. Well, he guessed he could take it easy…

But even after Colette moved many of the rocks out of the way, there was still so much loose dirt and gravel that traveled above them. And still there was no way to see the top. It was strange, because he thought they hadn’t fell that far…

Colette let out a soft huff as she moved another boulder, wings flapping as she used her flight to help with the task. She did this with a little hum, not minding the work. “I wonder how long we’ve been down here?” she asked in mid-song.

“Couldn’t have been that long… but I don’t think I ever heard them call out to us, you know?”

Colette set down another rock, looking to Lloyd with a little worry. “Do you think you they left?”

He didn’t really believe their friends would do that, but then if the way above was so covered up, would they even stay? “It’s just weird. Like you’d think Genis would use his magic or something… or Sheena would summon Gnome to help us out!”

“Yeah! He has such a cute bow.”

“I know but that’s not the issue here…”

The pile before them was getting them nowhere though, even with Colette’s strength and work ethic. Lloyd looked around them again. All he could tell through the thick darkness was the ground they were on. He took a few steps, noting how it slightly inclined. If this was like Latheon Gorge, maybe there was a way out to the surface after all.

“We should find another way out. There has be an entrance somewhere!” He turned to Colette. “Would it be okay to have your wings out a bit longer? Maybe the Sorcerer’s Ring could work too, actually…”

Colette instantly went to his side, taking his hand. “I don’t mind! Mm, and maybe it’s best not to use the ring? We might make something catch on fire.”

“Oh yeah, you’re right.” He gripped her hand back and took on a direction. She didn’t suggest going another way. She trusted him to take her to the surface, just like she trusted him with so many things.

Even into whatever darkness, no matter how deep it was.

* * *

_"What is this ugly thing?" spoke the woman with cruel eyes. Metallic blades fanned out around her like a shield. Her heels punctured the ground as she walked towards Colette._

_The girl wore a necklace, one that Lloyd had fashioned for her in hopes of getting her back. She didn’t, though he kept it on her. Maybe with time. Just a little more time and he could fix his mistakes._

_But Colette did nothing to stop the woman from reaching for it._

_Lloyd bashed against the strange shield they were all trapped in, feeling his heart beat so painfully that it nearly clogged his throat. His present lay poised within Pronyma's palm. "Wait! Stop!"_

_The chain ripped away from Colette's neck. The pendant crushed easily in Pronyma's grip, letting the metallic dust fall to the ground. "Such a worthless little bauble for our vessel."_

_Colette said nothing, her eyes still blank, looking straight at Lloyd as if he were only air._

_She would be taken away. She would be taken away again-_

“Lloyd! You found the way out for us!”

Blinking, Lloyd shook his head, slowly coming to understand that it was Colette’s voice he was hearing. Then he noticed the air. It felt fresher, no longer stale from the confusing expanse of a musty cave. Up ahead of them was the faint glimpse of sunlight.

“You did it!” Colette was pulling him along happily. Her wings were finally gone, welcoming the natural glow instead to guide their way.

“Huh.” He shook his head again, letting Colette take him. “How long were we walking?”

“Just like an hour. Then we heard the sound of water and followed it over here!”

He couldn’t remember anything about water. _Did I pass out or something? And for that long?_ He’d be worried, but he didn’t want Colette to worry about him, too. Maybe the fall had messed with his head or something.

“…You heard the water though, didn’t you?” he hazarded a guess, remembering her angelic senses. “So you were really the one who got us out, Colette.”

They made it towards the entrance, the rocky ceiling low enough for both to duck their heads through. But once they were out, the same tall trees and green expanse of the forest greeted their sights. To the right, he heard the rushing river, one that sounded so loud now and knowing he would have never heard it from deep underground.

Colette looked to him curiously. “But you chose our way, Lloyd. I never would have heard the river if we hadn’t gone over here.” She smiled. “If I can do the same for our journey later though, that would make me happy.”

“Heh, I’m glad you still even want to travel with me… I somehow got us both to fall into a hole. And I thought Sheena had bad luck!”

That made her laugh, but with the sun over them finally, hopes were renewed. The only issue was, where were they now? This part of the forest didn’t seem to have any pathways, and was much more secluded. The trees were packed in, and the ground uneven, with rocks jutting at intervals, forcing the both of them to watch their step.

Looking up through an opening in the thick branches, he could see the sun was directly overhead. Well, it was only noon. They should be able to find the others in time!

“Maybe if I fly up, I can spot the others,” Colette suggested. “Do you want to come with me?”

Lloyd held up a protesting hand. “Eh, I don’t want to be dead weight. I’ll just try and watch out for you!” Maybe he could find something down on ground level too. After all, he was pretty good with directions apparently.

Colette nodded to his assent, her wings blinking into existence again. “I’ll try not to go too far!” She flew off quickly, past the trees and only flying into a branch once or twice. Lloyd winced for her, but she made it through, streaking towards the skies, a trail of pink feathers falling down back to him. One fell onto his shoulder before dissipating into sparkling mist.

No one should be able to take her from the air, right?

A sharp pain went through his head suddenly. Only for a second. He pressed his palm over his forehead, blinking away the sudden graininess that took over his vision.

_I’m still messed up from that dream, huh._

But this was stupid to think about. He had a thing to do. Keeping an eye up to the sky, he walked through the brush, trying to maneuver his way through bushes and decaying trunks, some so big he had to stretch his arms to be able to climb over them. The Elder never talked about these parts of Torent Forest. But it wasn’t like he had gone through weird places he had no idea about before anyway (ie: this entire world here).

The flash of pink was still in his vision when he came across something strange. Something so… red. And that was the thing about red. It caught the eye and grabbed attention, as he so intimately knew.

Lloyd slid down a small slope until he came closer to it. The way it was shaped, it seemed to defy gravity. A big bulbous red that was held up by a thin, fragile looking stem. A breeze blew through the trees, but this thing didn’t seem to be affected at all. It had little fronds all around it, making it look more alien than even the monster plants he came across multiple times.

Also, it looked kinda like…a tomato?

“What the-“

And then it shot a cloud of red dust in his face.

He had no idea exactly _how_ it did that, since he had slept on that lesson on plant biology and so many others during class. But the dust hit his face in the worst possible way, stinging his eyes and lodging deep in his throat since he had opened his mouth so stupidly.

“Ack!”

With a painful wheeze, he stumbled over the ground. He tried to head towards the sound of the river, and then found himself right in it, face planting into the stream while the rest of his body lagged on the ground. He then gurgled out both dust and water soon after.

Yeah, he had a great sense of direction, didn’t he?

* * *

He was still in that position when Colette found him, albeit not drowning in water anymore.

“Lloyd!” He heard footsteps patter quickly over to him, a hand grasping his shoulder. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

“I’m… fine…” Lloyd moved away from the water to face forward. His back ached suddenly, and there was still the taste of that plant dust on his tongue. Ugh.

“Your eyes are kinda red…” Colette helped him sit up, holding his hand gently in both of her own. “If you really didn’t sleep too good last night, maybe we should rest first? I tried looking for the others but I can’t find anyone. I even flew up really high but I didn’t even see a sign of Heimdall.”

“I slept okay, promise,” he lied, but he sorta tuned out to the rest of her words. Not that he had meant to but…Colette was kneeling next to him, worry etching her features. She kept holding his hand, and it wasn’t like it was the first time they held hands or anything like that at all.

Except it felt really nice. So nice. Even through his glove, he felt her fingers press against his palm and it made him feel warm.

“Lloyd? You’re breathing a little hard.”

“Uh!” He coughed, then cleared his throat. The dust was still there, even when he had drunk probably a whole gallon from the river. “I-I’m okay, just…” He softly extricated his hand from her own. He still felt the imprint of her fingers, still so warm. “Um, I think the fall must have hit me harder than I thought.”

His heart was racing. Was he panicking or something? But, he looked to Colette again, her wings still out, and it made her look so… good. Inviting. And soft, and he just wanted to hold her and keep her close and touch her-

Lloyd edged away from her, to Colette’s surprise.

“I, I think I might be a little sick.” He gripped his hair, taking deep breaths. “I don’t want you get it from me or anything.”

“Oh…” This only made Colette worry even more. “Did you catch a cold? Then we definitely need to let you rest!”

“No, it was from that plant over-“ He turned, but could find no bright red that stood out from the greenery (besides himself). “It was… wasn’t it over here?” Was he losing his mind?

“I don’t see anything.” Colette stood up, finally putting her wings away. “But we should set up a nice camp, I think. I doubt we’ll find anyone just yet… and you need to sleep away your cold!”

“But it’s not a-“ he stopped. No point in arguing because he wasn’t even sure what it was. Did he just hallucinate that plant? Did this have something to do with him blacking out before?

“I’ll go set us up!” Colette took the role of leader, offering her hand to Lloyd. “I saw a glade nearby that looked safe, and some fruit trees too! We could eat some of that when we get hungry.”

Lloyd hesitated from taking her hand. He just felt so warm and was so fascinated by the way her golden hair fell across her shoulders. He had always thought Colette was cute before… even beautiful when they’d watch the stars together on some nights during the journey. But he had never felt this desperation to hold her to him. Right? Except when he thought he lost her, and she was only a moving doll that reacted to none of his embraces, or even to his voice…

He took her hand, standing up on shaky legs, but immediately let go again. Suddenly, he couldn’t trust himself.

“Sure,” he said, glad that his voice at least was even. “Lead the way!”

As she smiled and turned away to do so, hair bouncing with her steps, he briefly covered his face with both hands. His pulse was still going fast. There was something very, very wrong with him.

* * *

Dusk was already settling. Still, Lloyd and Colette had no idea where they were.

Unfortunately, they had no blankets or any other supplies, so Colette made due with trying to make them beds with gathered leaves, and plucking a few apples from the trees for them to snack on. Lloyd, still feeling strange, wasn’t able to do much, but at least he was able to start a little campfire for them. Which was really just aiming the Sorcerer’s Ring at a bundle of sticks. Not exactly hard.

“Hope no one’s too worried over us…” Colette voiced. She sat on one side of the campfire, while Lloyd made sure to keep his distance. Just so that he couldn’t give her the weird sickness he got. He didn’t know if what he had was contag… con… container? No. Whatever.

“If they can’t find us today, I’m sure they can tomorrow!” he tried to reassure. “They got the Rheiards to help look for us… Probably should have brought them with us in our wing packs now that I think about it.”

Colette half-nodded, but she hesitated. “I thought I would find one of them flying, but I didn’t at all. This part of the forest is kind of strange.”

Lloyd definitely agreed with that. The weird taste of that tomato flower-whatever’s dust was gone but he still couldn’t help but stare at Colette, at how the campfire glinted off her hair, or the shape of her lips as she pursed them in thought. It was like everything about Colette was in hyper focus for him… more than usual, at least. He gripped his hands on his knees, trying to act normal.

“Are you feeling any better?” she asked him. She wasn’t even that near, but her voice rushed through his spine. He had to take a second to answer.

“Still feel kinda out of it… but I’ll be okay.” More than out of it, but maybe if he didn’t focus on it? “You don’t need to worry about me too now that I got us lost and everything.”

“Oh no, it’s okay! When we travel, I want to be able to look after you, too!”

 _I’m supposed to be the one to do that. I’m supposed to protect you._ But Lloyd made sure not to say that. “Thank you, Colette,” was what he said instead.

The sky began to darken. Lloyd still kept his distance, one that he knew Colette noticed. But whatever he was feeling was too much, and he just tried his best to direct his gaze to the sky instead of to her. He still felt really hot, even though the air was chilly. His jacket was almost suffocating for once. But even just pressing a hand against his own arm felt really sensitive. He hoped he still wasn’t breathing too hard.

“It’s like before, isn’t it?”

She was nearer this time, only an arm’s length away. He had been so intent on _not_ staring at her like a creep that he never heard her shift. Still, she looked at him with trust and comfort.

“What do you mean?” he asked, ignoring his heartbeat again.

“When we were releasing the seals, and people were trying to decide where they would want to live.” She held her knees, fingers occasionally tapping the side of her legs in thought. “We camped out by ourselves just like this. We thought that maybe we would be the only ones going back to Sylvarant.”

“Heh, yeah,” he said. “At least this time, if all goes okay, we won’t have to separate.” If he fought Kratos, if he made the pact with Origin, but if all that could help him keep Colette with him… He shook his head. Everything went back to her. And why not? It always has.

“Lloyd?” She shifted even closer, pressing a hand against his arm. And.

And just…

The sensation was there again. So strong. He could feel her through the material of his jacket, her warmth.

“Is it really okay that I stay by your side? When this is all over?”

He had never wanted her to leave his side to begin with, and that was exactly what he wanted to say. But then, the heat filling his chest, and the playback of old nightmares, and suddenly his vision began to blur.

Why was he losing it so bad now?

He fell on his back, already seeing Colette’s eyes widen before his vision was turned back to the sky. It was hard to breathe. And it was just so hot.

“Can’t…”

“Lloyd!” Colette leaned over him, and that was a mistake. Her hair brushed against his cheek, sending electricity shooting through his blood. Her hands went to his chest, feeling the way he breathed and he couldn’t just stop any of it. He wanted that touch. A soft moan left his throat at just the sensation of her fingers pressing against him.

“Are you hurt here?” she asked him, not understanding. One hand went to the buttons near his shoulder.

“Wait, wait, don’t-“

But she was already unbuttoning his jacket. He breathed hard, his mouth open, once he felt the night air hit his chest. He still wore his black undershirt, but it was much thinner, and he could feel Colette’s soft touches more pronouncedly. She was exploring, searching for a nonexistent wound.

“Lloyd, please. Tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you.”

He was worrying her. He didn’t want to worry her. He never wanted that at all. Lloyd couldn’t speak, so he leaned up to her and tasted those lips that he had kept staring at. The shape of them fitted over his perfectly, and their texture so soft. He breathed into her mouth, one hand reaching to wrap around her waist.

“Mm! I- wha…” Colette’s words were muffled against him, but he continued to kiss her. She breathed into him, her hands paused over his torso, fingers still pressed into his shirt. She fell over him slightly as she half-embraced him.

There was curves around him. The scent of her hair. He pushed his tongue through her mouth, and though Colette trembled, he felt her do the same. She gasped at his passion, tasting sweet. His hips lifted slightly, needing to feel her even more. His other arm wrapped around her shoulders as he moaned out her name. “Colette…”

She stumbled over him further, her chest pressing against his, enough that he could feel her breasts even through the overcoat. It sent his mind racing, trying to figure out how he could feel them more intimately. Another lift of his hips, meeting hers. His pants were really tight now, but it felt so good moving against Colette. He kept up that pace, her thighs over his, the warmth almost unbearable.

He sucked on Colette’s tongue that had only barely sneaked past her lips. A wet sound, along with her breathy moans, and the warmth of her body. He needed more of her so bad, and as his hands gripped her waist tight, she spoke again.

“A-ah.. Lloyd, wait, I…”

The small fear in her voice was like a bucket of cold water dumped on him.

He broke the kiss and scrabbled backwards, eyes wide, and completely disgusted at himself.

“C-Colette! I’m sorry!” But that excuse felt so weak to what he had… what he had almost done with her. What he had _wanted_ to do with her. And he knew exactly, because every scenario was playing in his head, each one so exciting and hot that involved Colette’s body against his own. What was wrong with him!?

Colette was staring back at him, lips parted. Even now, he couldn’t stop thinking about taking those lips again, remembering how good they tasted. “Lloyd…”

“Shit, I…” He pressed the heel of his palms against his forehead, gritting his teeth. He brought his knees up to try to shut himself away from the world as much as possible. “Shit! I can’t believe I… What’s happening to me?”

“No, Lloyd, please.” Still she wouldn’t dare leave him alone. She didn’t deserve some freak that only wanted to violate her, someone who couldn’t even _stop thinking of it_. She went over to him again, her face red, her breath coming out in swift gasps. “It’s okay! I – I’m okay, I promise!”

“But I just… took you.” He just wanted to protect her, but instead he hurt her. And here he thought there were dangerous enemies around them when really it was just himself. “I didn’t mean… I don’t think…” What kind of monster would do that?

She couldn’t come with him on the Exsphere journey. Not if he did this. Not if she was always at risk. Even through all this, that weird heat through his body wouldn’t leave him.

“But, I-” Colette started to say. He stared at her again, her hair a little mussy and her overcoat disheveled. But she wasn’t looking at him. Instead she looked past her head, so entranced that she stood up immediately, and tilted her head curiously.

“What.. is that?” she asked, any nervousness and fear now replaced by curiosity.

Lloyd turned around, peering past the brush that surrounded him, everything painted in shadows and twilight from the campfire.

It was that weird tomato-looking flower again. And Colette was walking right up to it.

“Wow. It kinda looks like a…”

Lloyd tried to stop her, but his emotions from before left his legs feeling weak. “Colette, don’t go near it!”

Too late. She leaned forward and that was enough for a sudden dust cloud to get all over her face.

“Gah!”

She coughed, some of the dust getting into her hair, as well as her eyes. She rubbed at them, trying to get it out.

Lloyd ignored his strange and heated head for a moment, his worry for Colette overriding everything. He rushed to her, holding her by the shoulders so that she wouldn’t fall. Luckily, she didn’t flinch away from him, even though she had every right to. “Colette! Are you hurt? Can you see?”

“I- I think…” She blinked, her eyes a little red and slightly wet with unshed tears. Other than that, she seemed fine, despite how flushed her cheeks were. Then she gave a cough, her breath ragged.

“Here, you should drink something.” Lloyd guided her to the nearby river that surrounded the glade. He took off his gloves, all too aware of how his skin felt so much relief now that it wasn’t covered, and extra sensitive and… _Ugh, don’t be stupid!_ He cupped some water in his palms, holding it to Colette’s mouth. “Don’t swallow too fast.”

Colette placed her fingers against his hands, gratefully sipping the water. Again, she showed no concern to get away from him.

Yet once the water was gone, she didn’t let him go. In fact, her mouth stayed near his skin, her breath coming out in short gasps.

And like an idiot, Lloyd couldn’t pull away.

“Lloyd? I… I feel really warm.”

Taking the gloves off was such a mistake. “You just need to rest,” he said, but his tone sounded so unconvincing.

“Lloyd…” She still touched his hands, her chin leaning into his palm. She kissed his index finger, a soft breath leaving her.

Lloyd could barely breathe himself.

He had enough sense to take his hands away. That plant did something to them. He had briefly touched her cheek, and knew how incredibly hot she was feeling.

“We… need to… not be here…” He swallowed. This forest was weird, with its stupid plants, and its suffocating heat. He plucked at his shirt slightly, trying to give himself some air.

Colette leaned over him, hands moving underneath his shirt. It electrified him.

“Lloyd…” she breathed out again. Fingers slid across his stomach, traveling up to his nipples as she rubbed them. “I-I’m sorry, but I feel… I feel like I want this.”

She was so near him, and though his voice broke from her soft touches, he closed the gap. Another kiss, long and deep, and she responded in kind, a wet moan moving from her throat into his mouth. Their tongues touched, intensifying the sounds of their lips breaking contact then meeting each other again. His hands went to her chest, kneading at her breasts through the coat.

Colette moaned again. “A-aah… so warm…”

Lloyd had never meant it to happen like this.

He had always wanted to kiss her, always wanted to hold her. So many times had he went over that scenario, if she would ever want it. He would ask Colette, and, if he was lucky, she would say yes, and their kiss would have been short but soft. She’d giggle after it was done, and he’d hold her hands, giving a quick peck on the cheek until they were ready to share that intimacy again.

It was not supposed to have been like this. This messy and hot need where he could barely even think. Where his body was coated in sweat, where he pushed at Colette’s tongue with his own and intensely wanted to grind against her. One of her hands went to the front of his pants, pushing hard. His breath hitched. She was kissing the sides of his mouth, licking his cheek.

“Colette, wait.” It took all he had to bring her hands away, trying to separate them. “There’s… there’s something wrong with us both. I think that weird plant…” Even when he tried to stop it, he could only notice how his thumb rubbed against the skin of Colette’s wrist. He tried to ignore that by looking at the ground. “You… you don’t want to do this with me.”

It was his own words, but it struck his chest painfully. No. If Colette was herself, she would never do this with him.

Still, he heard her labored breathing. She gently pulled away from his grip, heightening the chill inside him. He hated this, but he didn’t want to make things even worse than they were.

He heard something shifting. Raising his head up, he watched as Colette lifted her overcoat over her head.

“W-what are you…?”

She set the overcoat somewhere to the side, then reached for a clasp on the front of her dress. “I want to do this,” she whispered, eyes diverted away from him shyly. Her expression was in complete opposite to the quickness of her hands, undressing herself right in front of him. Her dress opened partway. The sight of her breasts nearly ended him.

“I just… I feel like I have to. After all you’ve done for me. I want to do something good for you instead of making you worry about me like always.”

She said this while unconsciously letting one of her hands roam over her chest, so very affected by her own touches. Not even his own dreams (the ones that weren’t nightmares) were ever this good.

“You don’t owe me anything.” He said it despite how much he felt like he was dying. Every passing second of him not holding her close was torture. “I didn’t- I never meant to make you feel that way. You shouldn’t have to do this just because I messed up.”

Strands of blond hair fell across her chest. He noted the necklace then, the one he made for her. The firelight reflected off its red center, made the golden chains shine. Along with the bands of metal that held her crystal, she looked like someone so ethereal and unreal. He hated himself even more for touching her. Someone like him with gross hands and a perverted need shouldn’t ever be near her.

Colette looked at him, still breathing hard, as if she had just been on a run. Her hand brushed against that necklace, holding it in her palm.

“No… that was a lie. I’m sorry. I… also want this for myself. I’m so selfish.” She moved towards him, hands placed against his inner thighs as she moaned again. “But I really need it, Lloyd.”

Her breasts, so small and perfect, pressed against the bulge in his pants. His hips moved at that, every breath through his lungs feeling like fire.

He didn’t want to ruin anything but her willingness made every piece of logic he ever had just fly right out the window. “Colette, please,” he begged. “I’m not sure…”

She shook her head, and then pressed her palm between his thighs, firm but careful. It made him start. His fists clenched at the grass beneath them.

“Ah! That’s… how is this happening…?”

She continued to grind him, using her hand but also leaning close so that her bare breasts rubbed against his pants. A wet spot formed at the front, his cock so hard and already leaking. Colette saw, and it only made her try to grab its shape through the material, stroking it.

“It feels so nice,” she whispered. Her fingers traveled over the buttons, unclasping them just as she had easily done with his jacket. “I want it so much.”

Lloyd’s head was thrown back when she grabbed his bare cock. Fingers traveled down its sides so delicately, the thumb moving across the tip, knowing that wetness intimately. And then not just her hands. Her chest rubbed against it. She hugged it to her breast, sucking in air when it touched a nipple. The image of it sent his hips moving again.

Still, her hands reached further, pressing against the base, and cradling them as well as she could within his pants. He was on fire, and with impatience, he pulled down his trousers so that his skin could meet hers fully.

“Crap. Hold on,” he said after struggling with what should have been so simple. Colette helped him, throwing his pants to where her own pile of clothes were. She had only barely broke contact with him, instantly going back to stroking him, gripping his cock with deftness and wonder.

Admittedly, Lloyd had touched himself before. But having it being practically embraced by Colette, held in between her breasts, could not at all compare to that.

“It’s big,” she said, her breath just over the head of his cock. Lips followed quickly after, a few fleeting kisses over the skin, then lathered by her tongue.

Lloyd felt embarrassed by the comment, even through his lust-addled head. But her mouth pushed the thought out immediately, pleasing moans leaving her with every kiss she gave him. Any hesitance that he thought Colette would ever have just completely vanished, leaving him with someone as desperate as he was, enveloping his sensitivities with affection.

It turned his entire body to liquid, with how much she gave him. She stroked it again, squeezing both her breasts over it. He arched his back, almost choking on his own breath. Damn it. Even with her touching him, he still felt like he would die. It was so good but not enough. Why did he have to be like this?

“A-ah! Fuck, that’s…” He cupped a hand over his mouth, a little shocked at how loud he had sounded. But who would hear them, in this weird elven forest where it seemed all of civilization suddenly didn’t exist?

“Is this good?” she asked him, leaning forward again, still stroking. The way she moved, it showed off more of her chest, the smoothness of her stomach and everything…

It wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough, it just- He wanted her to touch him, but his hunger wanted to touch her even more. He sat up, hands gripping her arms to pull her near again.

“I want you so much,” he whispered. His mouth latched onto her left breast so suddenly, his actions ravenous. It’s not like he’d never imagined this either, trying to pass away a hot and sleepless summer night. Any kisses over her body should have been gentle and soft, but instead he sucked on her nipple hard, pushing at it with his tongue until he could feel it harden inside his mouth.

“L-Lloyd!” Her hands threaded through his hair, gripping it to the point of pain. It didn’t matter. He continued kissing and sucking at her chest as she pushed into him. Her hands traveled from his hair to his back, clenching tight the jacket he still half-wore. “Aahh, please, harder, please…”

Even now it wasn’t enough. He wanted to taste her other breast but not leave this one. He held them both in his hands, squeezing them together until they were close. Easier to engulf, his tongue traveling over both nipples, muffling his moans within her chest. Colette trembled and gasped, close to falling over him completely, held up by the strength of his hands.

She tasted of sweetness, her skin so malleable in his touch. Just the constant pounding in his head of _want, want, want._ It was so hard to put a stop to it. He would devour everything of her if he could.

Her necklace was still there, the chain near his mouth, the pendant hitting against his own chest due to constant motions. He stopped his ministrations to follow that chain to her neck, kissing around the golden bands that surrounded her crystal. Still he left a hand on a breast, thumb rubbing against a nipple.

_How long can I keep doing this?_

“Lloyd… that was…” Colette was panting, rolling her chest into his still. A set of fingers left his hair to slide down her stomach. There was a motion that circled over the inner part of her leggings, one that Lloyd soon realized was of Colette touching herself.

He reached for the waistband, moving down to kiss at her stomach. “I need to see. Let me see you.” _I’m going to die if I don’t._ Again, those thoughts. It wasn’t supposed to be that way, but without seeing all of her he felt his chest would explode from the intensity.

But whatever he felt, Colette was feeling, too. She helped push down her last barrier of clothing and knelt before him with nothing more to hide. Her fingers had stalled just over her clit and it was _there_ and his cock was aching again to feel that new softness. But she went back to moving them again, pressing over hidden spots and eliciting another new moan from her. She did this while watching Lloyd, bringing her hips near him.

“Do you… um…” Even whatever plant thing she got wasn’t enough to completely banish away her nervousness. Her fingers still worked, but her eyes enraptured with Lloyd’s, reminding him of the girl who always smiled at him when he came to town. “Do you like it? I’m…”

And suddenly, Lloyd had to smile. Something that felt so normal to what they were doing, even if he was still drowning in heat. He kissed her stomach again, then the top of her knuckles as they continued to move.

“I like it, but…it’s hard to see with you doing that,” he said. Not that he minded. Far from it. There was the pull again of whatever was going through him. He kissed her fingers more, a tongue seeking out briefly. Colette shivered.

“I can’t really stop it.” Her hips swayed, more and more to Lloyd’s mouth, so dangerously close to her clit. “I keep needing to feel something here…”

That was too much of an invitation. She had to have known what that would make him want, not that he wasn’t already thinking it. He kissed near her thighs, then back to that part of her skin that was brimming with heat. His lips pressed over the index finger that circled a certain part of her clit.

His need told him to just take it, but he restrained enough of it to ask her. “Do you want me there?”

She panted, fingers slowing as Lloyd’s breath washed over her. She struggled to even nod, more nervous than when she was touching him before.

Speaking of… “You should keep doing that,” he told her, mouth just underneath her, kissing her, licking her deep as his tongue once more met her fingers.

The bravery of what he was infected with didn’t make him shy away from her. There was that desperate need to know her and _taste_ her. So much and too much. Colette moved against his mouth involuntary, and if that meant he could kiss her deeper, then he would.

“Haah… it, it feels…” Colette let her other hand grip Lloyd’s shoulder, balancing herself even though Lloyd was holding her up well and good. “It feels… a little weird…”

He gave her entrance one more kiss before pulling back. “You want me to stop?”

“N-no, no. I just…” She hadn’t pulled back herself. Her fingers never missed a beat while pleasuring herself. “I’m not used to it. I’m always by myself when doing something like this.”

That was a piece of info that fed into Lloyd’s heated brain. The hungry thing in him demanded something more. Fingers pressed into her soft thighs, his mouth near her again. “How long?”

Colette, also so heated, still couldn’t help but hesitate. “I…”

“Please tell me.” He kissed her again, tongue tracing soft lips that he had never dared to hope for. Her fingers knew just where to go, where to massage and circle over in familiar strokes. He saw it all and nearly lost his breath. He had to know. “How long have you touched yourself?”

His mouth was both a motivator for her, and a way to release his pent-up desire. His tongue once again reached for her, sliding through her wetness, and he could tell, he could tell just how much wetter she was. He had never thought he would want to do this kind of thing so much, tasting her here and feeling just the briefest clench of her muscles. Whatever the plant had done to him had made him want this part of her just as much as the rest, licking her and kissing her pumping fingers.

Colette stretched her body, gasping for air as she looked down at Lloyd. His eyes met hers, not wanting to miss the image of her for a second, his tongue doing its work. Colette occasionally shut her eyes, then opened them again, her fingers going faster.

“I… I don’t remember when… just, sometimes at home, after we-“ She bit her lip, turning away from his gaze. “I don’t… I didn’t mean to. Just sometimes, in bed… hoping to see you again the next day.”

Another kiss there, over soft and slick skin. He breathed out, “So you thought of me?”

Colette was so nervous, her eyes bright with embarrassment, but she couldn’t help but nod. “Um, once I…” She paused. “No, I don’t want to say…”

But whatever had hold of them both would make her say, and would make Lloyd want it. One hand cupped her backside, squeezing. “I need to hear it, please, Colette.”

Her finger paused slightly over her clit, pressing deep as she remembered. “Last… last year, when they said I could sleep over…at yours…and…”

She could barely continue but Lloyd remembered. A sleepover to celebrate Lloyd’s birthday during the hot summer months, Genis bringing in a share of baked treats, his dad making potluck surprise, and Colette’s presence being such a welcome surprise, granted by the Church to allow her past the village – at least what she had claimed. Dirk had never told the villagers about it, and Lloyd and Genis always made sure to stay quiet about it as well.

But nobody else mattered right now. Lloyd had let Colette take his bed back then while he slept comfortable enough on the floor. Genis had wanted the balcony, because the inside of the house was too hot. It had only been them both in his room, but he had fallen asleep and she had been underneath his own covers and she must have-

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that’s really…gross of me, I didn’t mean… I woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t realize until I was already-”

His mouth took her entrance again, kissing her deep, his tongue moving through that tightness of hers, swallowing her taste.

“A-ah! Lloyd, Lloyd…”

He could barely take it. He gripped his cock, pumping it quickly and breathing hard. He continued to kiss her wetness, unable to even comprehend just how much he could do to finally get rid of the hunger eating away at his chest. Colette’s moans filled him, and he needed her voice to keep going and to shut away his guilt that lay underneath it all.

Her words were so distant and low. “You’re… you’re touching, too…”

His hand moved faster, coursing up his length with a finesse that even on his horniest nights he could barely achieve. Did the plant make him faster at this or something? Or smarter at sex somehow? These were questions he really didn’t want to bother thinking about, instead concentrating on kissing the inside of Colette’s thighs. “I really need to, you’re too hot,” he told her. No point holding back anything now.

“How long?” She repeated his words with complete wonder, and there was nothing in him to hold back on it at all.

“Too long. And I shouldn’t because you’re-“ Innocent. Better than him. But she had admitted her own wants and suddenly he was relieved about so many things, and it only made him want to touch himself faster.

“Oh, Lloyd…” she breathed.

“It’s fine, I promise,” he said. He didn’t want her second guessing anything right now, but she moved faster than he realized at first. No longer was she knelt in front of him, instead moving back. Crap, he had said something wrong. Or done something wrong. And the list of said wrong things was already growing too long now.

But the first thing Colette had done was go back to his cock, kneeling by his side. Her hands covered his own, then edged down to where his fingers couldn’t take over. He already knew that she would try to kiss it again, and it was so hard to tell her no. But his hunger asked why he would ever want to. Not when her lips were perfect, and that she was already licking the tip, holding onto him so tight.

His hands fell away to be replaced by her own, and he watched in fascination as her own mouth swallowed a part of him, slowly, trying to adapt to his girth. Her lips engulfed as far as they could go, to releasing his cock before swallowing once more. Suddenly again, her hesitation was gone, and Lloyd could only reward that by moving his hips into her wanting mouth, his breath coming out in stuttering gasps.

But the hunger inside him wanted more – wanted his hands and his mouth to take _something._

He reached for her again, hands brushing against her legs. “Lay on me. But like…” Then the brief struggle, his own self reaching past the hunger to try to understand what he was even asking. “Don’t stop doing that please?”

Colette lifted her head, also trying to understand. “Lloyd? I’m not sure if…”

He shook his head. Screw this. This thing inside him wasn’t going to stop, and Colette had already shown how okay she was with him like this. He had to stop worrying. He grabbed her hips, bringing her lower body back to him, laying flat on his back.

“I have to make you feel good, too,” he said. And that was the conflicting thing inside him, wanting her to keep using her mouth on him but also wanting to give her what she needed. He had seen that from just before. So with her knees placed on each side of his head, he reached for her again, his tongue finding the place within her again, hands traveling as far as they could go, fingers trailing all across her back and thighs.

Colette hadn’t expected that, stumbling a little as she was laid out over him. She breathed hard as he took her, a sharp gasp leaving her with each deep thrust of his tongue.

“So much, so much,” she repeated, still cupping a hand over the base of his cock. And she was quick to take him again, to swallow and taste as he was doing to her. The motions of her mouth were intense, and the shudders of her body as addicting as her smile on warm nights. She still made such wonderful sounds, despite her mouth filled, and her own tongue wrapping around his cock.

The night was more than warm, bordering on searing, his skin so feverish, and his heart lodging in his throat. Tasting her was the only thing helping him get any relief. He kissed and sucked at folds, and enjoyed her trembling within his hands.

Within her mouth, he was just as lost, just as much on struggling to stay afloat in whatever place his mind was set in now. Hips moved, his cock sliding in and out past her lips, just feeling the slightest tremor that was her own voice, her own moans muffled by him.

There was only so much he could keep wanting, keep taking. Even as he drank her in, remembering the feel of her fingers inside herself, imagining how often she must have done it, how she had done it in his own bed, and that very image made him wish he could go back in time and kick himself awake. _You could have touched her, you could have kissed her and made love to her that very night. Only you two in the room, the doors locked, and screaming your moans in the pillows to stay quiet. How much you have missed._ But the hunger in him couldn’t have been right. It was just as possible that things would have just been worse instead, or Colette forever embarrassed, and his hands forever too awkward to make her feel anything else.

The only bravery they had was now, and the only place they had was here, lost in the dark, with the concept of a future world suddenly too far away. He kept bucking into her mouth, his tongue gliding against the walls inside her before it had to finish. His climax came unexpectedly fast, Colette’s mouth leaving him as come leaked out. She felt so far away then, and the night was cold suddenly, his body wracked by the thing inside him, both briefly sated and always demanding.

“Colette, please stay, don’t…” Then she flinched as his breath blew over her clit, only then remembering to kiss her there again, feeling her convulse.

He wanted to stay there, for as long as he could, taking comfort in how she came. Taking comfort that she was…

Here.

“I can’t… I can’t move,” he heard her say. Her hands on him could only grip weakly before she had to roll off him. She breathed deeply, grasping for air, her body still shuddering from his remembered touches. She only had enough strength to lay her head on his stomach, unmindful of whatever traces of his orgasm may have been left there, dappled over his skin.

Even then, Lloyd’s body stayed tense.

He looked up to the night sky, how it stretched all around him, lit up by faint lights stuck within the dark. It didn’t calm his heart like it used to, and the thing inside his head kept roaring for something more. Why wasn’t it enough? Why did he keep having this thing inside him? Why won’t it stop?!

“It’s too hot,” he whispered, breathing harshly. It kept wanting, it kept wanting.

“Lloyd?” Colette’s voice sounded so far away again, but it was there, existing. “Your shirt and jacket are still on. Is that why?” Her hands moved to help him do away with the clothes, doing it so easily. He let her, feeling the breeze of the night air. His skin was still burning.

Again. _Again._

She was under him, and he could no longer remember if he had said something to her first, or if she did. Because there was no surprise in her eyes as he leaned over her, kissing her again, crying out his frustration into her mouth. He had pinned her hands down, fingers wrapped in her own, maneuvering his thighs to be just so. _Just one more time,_ his need begged and whined, and it was just his own voice again. It always was.

“I can’t stop,” he confessed to her. It was such a messed up thing to say, something that a villain would say. He entered her, finding tightness and her still so, so wet. He gasped at the feeling of it. Colette’s hips rolled into him, moving him even deeper into her.

“More…ah..” Colette gripped Lloyd’s hands back, eyes half open. “It’s okay. I really wanted this… for so long…”

_And you’re taking advantage of it. Doesn’t matter if some plant made you do it. It was your choice, still your choice-_

Lloyd thrust into her, slowly, carefully, and she arched her back. Her moan was high-pitched, cracking as he moved in her again, and again. “Lloyd! Ahh…f-faster… I can’t…”

He could barely talk anymore, and just followed what his hunger wanted. Moving in deep, their hips connecting in ways so entirely new and amazing. Each stroke brought him deeper within her, the sound of her skin hitting his mixing with her moans. Her legs shifted, needing something to do, and her muscles then tightened around his cock. Different from her mouth, from her tongue, her hands. Every part of her he wanted to touch, everywhere while he grew hard and begged to feel her, and again the guilt choked him like a bonfire.

“I don’t want to use you like this,” he said. Another confession. The pounding in his head.

Colette had enough breath to ask. “Lloyd? What do you…”

“I wanted this to be different.” His thrusts stuttered, his hands shook. “I want to love you like you… deserve to be… Now I’m just…”

 _She’s so tight. So wet. You’ve waited too long._ He can’t keep thinking like this. Each thrust he did left him needing more of her.

“Then… love me,” she said. Eyes shut briefly as a pleasurable shudder ran through her, one caused by how he shifted to a particular spot inside her. “Love me for as long as you can.”

Her legs wrapped around his waist. But Lloyd was already falling deep in her.

“Don’t leave me. I need you with me, I can’t lose you again.” His words and movements became desperate. Each pronounced stroke resonated with a sound, soft and intoxicating, the frequency of it enveloping his head. She kissed his neck as he arched into her, unable to ever stop.

“You won’t lose me,” she reassured, but it wasn’t enough for him.

“I don’t know if I…” He kept losing his train of thought, he kept losing _himself_. There was just sweat, the friction, and her voice.  

“I’m still here, Lloyd… because of you.”

He gazed down at her, truly seeing her. The light from the campfire danced across her skin, brightened the key crest that lay between her breasts. She breathed hard, but she smiled up at him, her hair falling across the ground like a shattered sun.

“You won’t ever lose me.”

He kissed her before he came again. He couldn’t be gentle, he couldn’t slow down, but Colette took his frantic thrusts with an eagerness that matched his own. Her breasts crushed against his chest as she flinched into him, getting wetter and hotter and accepting him so easily. He groaned into her as the thing that had hold of him made him fall into his orgasm with incredible force, convulsing his body.

“I love you, Colette, I love you…” he whispered into her, the only gentle part of him there. He covered her mouth with his tongue, too afraid to hear what she would say, only wanting to get rid of everything inside him.

Then his mind went blank.

* * *

_“We’ll settle down here,” Raine said, once they were on even ground._

_It took them a full day to get down the Fooji Mountains. His legs were aching with the strain from the descent, and there was a sharp pain in his back. Tethea’lla wasn’t supposed to have monsters, according to Sheena, but their releasing of the seals back home had started pecking away at the world’s mana. Creatures that Lloyd had never seen before would block their way, and though they still did away with their enemies easy enough, none of the adrenaline he would usually get from battle was present. He just felt so incredibly tired._

_There was the usual routine to set up camp; Genis trying to create what he could from their salvaged food, Raine looking over everyone’s injuries with a less than gentle manner, Sheena watching the perimeters and standing guard (which Kratos used to handle) and Lloyd trying to start the campfire. It was a task that he would always volunteer to do first, feeling important when utilizing his ring, and ignoring Genis’ comments about using his own magic. “Well, this keeps you from using up mana!” Lloyd would argue, and Genis would then relent to what was an actual reasonable explanation._

_The real reason he took the task was because it was fast, and afterwards he could just go to Colette, watching as she searched for the softest spots on the ground for all to sleep on. More than one night had the party slept on some stray gravel or an upturned rock because of Lloyd being a distraction for her. But it was hard to feel sorry when they could sit and talk, watching the stars overhead._

_She didn’t wait for him though, hoping to catch his eye once he was done with his task. Instead, she stood far away from everyone, eyes turned to the horizon, wings stretched out before her. In the darkness, she was wrapped in lurid light, of muted purple and pink laced with traces of scarlet._

_Raine had told them all to be careful, but Lloyd went up to her anyway, trying to pretend that it was the same as before. She was just trying to hide her problems from the group again, trying to count the stars through her eternal wakefulness._

_“It’s exciting to be in a whole new place, isn’t it?” he asked her, and was only met with silence. A quick glance to his side, and still those eyes, like stained glass, were all he saw._

_“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you,” he said suddenly. The words left him without his prompting, the shame growing too much. Gritting his teeth, he reached out to her, hands gripping her shoulders. Dangerous to do. She would lash out at most who would get too close. But whenever Lloyd would reflexively shield her from an attack, or grab her wrist when he thought she would fall down the mountain (ignoring her wings, and he just wanted to forget them completely), she didn’t react. No smile, no laugh, but no furious swipe of her chakram either._

_That must have meant something, didn’t it?_

_“I promise I’ll get you back. I just… I don’t want you to leave me.” It hit him. Everything that had led him to taking Sheena’s words in a heartbeat to the pounding in his ears when she floated before him in the tower. “I don’t want you to leave me.”_

_She rewarded his words, bare and vulnerable, with more silence._

_He embraced her fiercely, because it was all he knew how to do. He only understood how to cling to her and be lost. She had to comfort him back then, but now she stayed in his arms as stiff as stone, and nothing in her eyes showed any kindness._

_“I’m sorry,” he whispered, clutching at her dress. He held her so close he could feel her shape, burying his face in her hair. And maybe he was crying, too, but if he could at least have the idea of her if not herself, safe in his arms until Colette could finally come home, then maybe that was what he could do._

_With a breathless gasp, he pressed his lips to her forehead, staying there, never wanting to move. And then, she shifted._

_She said something._

_He stood back. His head was overflowing. He felt he crossed over into something he shouldn’t have, even as he hoped for her still. She was still staring, mouth set in a straight line. And then the intense need to kiss her there, one that he had to hold back. Even then, he still clutched at her shoulders, the desperation leaving the inside of his chest raw and hurting._

_“I didn’t… mean to…” He was stranded in the dark, trapped underneath caverns with no place and no one to call out to. She was there, but only as a reminder to how he had let everything go so wrong. He gripped her again, unable to stop himself from shutting up. “Fuck, I can’t even tell you the truth after all I’ve-“ he choked on his breath. The others would hear but what else could he do? It was eating away at his insides. “Colette, I need you to hear me! You have to come back!”_

_But in his nightmares, she never spoke to him. No matter how loud he screamed-_

“Lloyd.”

He lost himself for a soft and frightening moment. The sky was all around him, and he was falling through it, the stars blinding his sight. Then Colette was over him, still naked, her necklace swaying as she leaned forward.

“It’s just a bad dream,” she reassured. “It’s okay.”

“I’m not…” he started to say, but couldn’t think of anything right anymore. “I’m sorry.”

She kissed him, taking away the memories of those nightmares with the feel of her body, placing himself within her again. Still there was so much to give, and as he made love to her again, losing count how often they had done so this very night. He only thought about how warm she felt, soft in his hands.

The need in him finally calmed, and after coming in her again, more subdued, their kisses soft and lingering, he could finally sleep easy.

* * *

They were found the next morning.

“We looked literally _everywhere for you!”_ Genis was glaring at Lloyd, who had his hands up in a placating gesture. Colette stood next to him, laughing nervously.

Only Raine was accompanying her brother, her mouth in a curious frown. “I must admit, you two certainly know how to elude people when you want to.”

“We didn’t want to!” Lloyd countered. “We tried looking for everyone, I swear!”

“Is that so?” Raine was suspicious.

Genis was only concerned with hitting his friend’s side with the edge of his kendama. “I’ve been here thinking you both got buried under tons of rocks. If you didn’t just run off like I said!”

“Ow!” Lloyd rubbed the new ache from his best friend. “I said I was sorry!”

“Lloyd helped find the way out though,” Colette tried to support. “I’d be stuck down there if it weren’t for him.”

“Colette, you wouldn’t have been stuck down there in the first place if it weren’t for him.”

“Alright, enough, Genis. I am also relieved they’re safe and sound.”

Genis pouted, but Lloyd could see the unshed tears in his eyes and gave his friend a comforting pat on the shoulder. “I won’t be stupid anymore, promise.”

It was relieving to be found. Any of the strange seclusion they had been under the other day seemed to have vanished with the sunrise. Colette had woken, telling him how she could hear the propulsions of the Rheiards from the skies overhead.

They didn’t mention much of their night at all, only giving quick glances to the other as they changed. Once Colette was back in her overcoat, he had difficulty understanding just how much he had touched her. Whatever he was… whatever they both were last night, had all but gone away.

Even then, he still loved her.

“I think I’m feeling better now,” he had said, fully dressed, ready to walk with her out of the glade.

She smiled and nodded back. “Me, too.” She scuffed her boot over the grass, hesitance in her features. It was only through the eventual shouting of Raine and Genis from above that they were saved from more awkward silences.

Because… how do you ever get back from that?

His young friend and teacher were such welcome distractions. “I don’t know what weird place you two fell in, but my magic could barely make a dent in it.” Genis shook his head. “And even when Sheena summoned Gnome, he just refused to do anything. Something about this place being another summon spirit’s territory or something.”

“Enough to block your magic?” Lloyd wondered. “How does that work?”

“Doesn’t matter now. You just really have great luck making things much harder for all of us, Lloyd.”

Genis had no idea how much of an understatement that was and Lloyd hoped he never would.

There was a tugging on his sleeve. It was the first hint of contact from Colette ever since last night. She pointed to Raine, who was staring into the bushes.

He got concerned. “Professor, what is it?”

“Never thought I’d see these here again…” Her voice was low, musing to herself. “So this must mean they cultivate them.”

He knew what it was before he even rushed to her. “Professor! Get away from that thing!”

His heart stopped when the weird pollen stuff from the tomato flower blew in Raine’s face. She coughed, waving her hand in front of her, but that was all, with maybe a deeper frown in place. “I see it’s still an obnoxious plant.”

Lloyd had no idea what to expect, and none of it sounded like things he wanted to find out. He brought Genis back behind him, who had wanted to join his sister.

“Hey, what gives?”

“That plant is…” Oh no, how could he explain it? This was not a thing he would ever want to do, or would ever wish on his worst enemy. “It – It makes people sick!” He turned to the professor. “I think we should hang back and let you rest somewhere. From, uh, away from us!”

Genis widened his eyes. “What? Sis, are you sick now? Is it contagious?”

Raine shook her head. “Lloyd, where did you learn such nonsense? You’re acting like the Selfrondus is toxic.”

“It is!”

Colette stood by him quietly, also edging away from the professor. Then she blinked. “Wait. Selfrondus?”

“That is it’s name, yes.” Raine ripped the plant out of the ground by its stem, its long fronds falling against her arm. “A special plant created through certain elven horticulture techniques. It’s a result of crossbreeding certain foods along with fragrant flowers. Although, it’s _unique_ problem of blowing its own seeds into anything that comes near it has made it quite adept at not being able to reproduce itself.”

Lloyd heard the entire explanation with a blank face. “Huh?”

“Ugh, never mind then. It’s just a troublesome plant. Used to give me allergies when I was little.” Raine sniffled a bit. “And it may be starting now actually. Such an inconvenience.”

“So you _are_ sick!” Genis said with worry.

“Only for an hour at the most. It passes quickly.”

Lloyd stood, slack jawed at his teacher, then back at the plant she held so carelessly. He saw no weird flush on her face, or her acting out of the ordinary in any way. But… but hadn’t it…

“Lloyd… did get a bit sick from it though,” Colette said. “Um, I guess it was allergies! But can it not be serious for some people? It lasted the… whole night.”

Another understatement.

“Is that so, Lloyd?” Raine directed her gaze to him. Once again, he felt like he was in her classroom, having been caught in another missed assignment.

“Y-yeah! I got sick! So I had to… rest.” He coughed.

Raine placed a hand over her chin, thinking. “Lloyd, I’m sure you’re aware of what I said before? About this plant being a result of crossbreeding certain things?”

He still had no idea what she meant.

His professor sighed. “Let’s try it this way. You recognize what this plant resembles, yes?”

He slowly looked to it, its red skin so bright and unappetizing. “…Yeah.”

“The elves here have a fondness for tomatoes. Can help stimulate the blood, but nothing much beyond that. And they wanted to create something with it. Its purpose serves nothing more than just for decoration.”

He really could not tell where she was going with this. Genis decided to help out.

“Lloyd, she’s saying you got sick because you really hate tomatoes for whatever reason.”

“…What?”

Raine nodded. “Much like the opposite of a placebo effect, what we detest greatly can affect our physical state – even if it doesn’t actually cause anything at all. And since you are not actually allergic to tomatoes in the slightest, as Dirk has told us, and the elven variety is not much different from the ones back in Iselia, it’s safe to say you only fooled yourself.”

His mouth went dry.

“So… Lloyd got sick just because of what it looks like?” Colette asked. “But, I did too when I got near it!”

Raine’s answer was at the ready. “A herd mentality. Not the first time either. Remember when Lloyd thought the school lunch was giving him a stomach ache but it was just because he didn’t want to eat the vegetables? You acted the same way, as I recall.”

“Oh…”

Genis rolled his eyes. “Honestly, Lloyd, you can be so dense sometimes.”

That was when Lloyd really, truly wanted to sink into the floor and disappear forever.

* * *

The search and rescue had taken all day as by the time they had reached Heimdall, it was already early evening. A few worried exclamations from Sheena, some overdramatic embraces from Zelos, and the usual taciturn attitude from both Regal and Presea, but overall, everyone was glad for both Lloyd and Colette’s return.

Still, Lloyd felt stunned by his teacher’s explanation of the flower, and his own memories of before. Was he really just… that stupid? _How?_ People had been saying he was dumb throughout his whole life, but never had he actually felt like that! And… not only had he fooled himself, but Colette, too. At least with the plant, there was something to blame.

Seeing Colette speak with Sheena at some point, he had to get away. The sky quickly turned dark, and the river that streamed through Heimdall rushed by quickly. It brought forth memories again, but he couldn’t go over them without feeling terrible about everything.

He was so lost in himself, seated on the bench and trying make sense of the thoughts in his head, that he didn’t hear her until she was right next to him.

“Lloyd,” she called out carefully. “Are you okay?”

He raised his head to her, feeling more than awkward. “S-sorry. I can just go if you wanted to sit here-”

“No. Please don’t.” She sat next to him, taking hold of his hands easily. “Please don’t run away from me.”

He stopped, gazing at their clasped hands. She quickly let go when he did so. “I just think… we need to talk about it. Just a little bit.”

Lloyd swallowed, unable to not notice how near she was to him. After all that, she was still okay with this?

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, his tone hollow.

She stared at him fully, her bright hair muted by the night. There were no campfires now to enhance their shine. “No. You didn’t.” But the doubt must have showed on his face, because she took his hand again, clasping it tightly between her fingers. “You would never hurt me, Lloyd, and you didn’t back then either.”

“I just… don’t know what’s wrong with me.” He avoided her eyes, looking to the ground. “I never meant to make it happen like that. And then I just dragged you into it. I… I took advantage of you. I’m sorry.”

Colette was silent, still holding onto him. That was a kindness he didn’t really deserve, but she had always been like that.

“How did you mean for it to happen then?”

Her words were soft, startling him from his dark mood. “Uh. Oh. Well, I mean…”

“You’ve thought about it before?”

Honestly, he shouldn’t have felt so embarrassed about it, after _already_ making love to Colette, numerous times even! Still, he floundered. “I… y-yeah. It was…” he paused. Might as well admit it. “It was supposed to be more romantic than that. But then I got…desperate. I just got too afraid all the sudden.”

“Afraid of what?” she asked.

“Of losing you.”

Colette flushed, her fingers brushing the back of his hand. His words had sounded so pathetic out loud, and he didn’t want Colette think she was chained to him because of that.

“I wasn’t lying when I said those things last night,” she said suddenly. “When you were touching me. I wasn’t lying at all.”

He remembered. The detail about the sleepover still surprised him. He turned to her again.

“And…” she continued. “I suppose I also wanted an excuse to love you like that, too. Even if it wasn’t how you thought it was going to be… I’m still glad we did. I felt really happy.”

She was brave enough to move closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder. He didn’t move away. He didn’t see why he would want to.

“So… please don’t regret making love to me. I want it to be a happy memory for you, too.”

Lloyd could be a lot of things, and being an idiot was pretty high up on that list. But there was also something else that Kratos had once told him. _You can accept your mistakes._

He hugged Colette tight. There was no unbearable heat or a pounding need in his head. Just the both of them, the night breeze shifting his hair, and making him feel content again.

“I don’t regret it. I don’t.. I don’t.”

She felt so slim in his arms, and now that he knew those curves intimately, he couldn’t help but keep her close. But she relaxed in him, and he was content that she would stay. Although one thing still bothered him…

“I still can’t believe it all happened because of a plant… and that it didn’t even do anything to me in the first place! It’s so dumb.”

Colette giggled at that. She quickly pecked him on the cheek. “Well, we can both be stupid then.”

“Oh?” Lloyd smirked at her. “So you’re saying I’m stupid?”

She only laughed even more. “But you admitted it!”

“Not uh!”

Her laughter was infectious, and it made him kiss her. Soft and timid, the desperation stemmed out – at least for now. He still worried in the back of his mind for her. But once he pulled back, she was still there, her lips slightly parted for him, and her eyes bright.

“I love you,” she told him. “I want to stay by your side. And also… even if I can’t for some reason, you always find a way back to me.” She smiled. “You’ll never lose me.”

She said it so confidently, believing in him fully, that he couldn’t help but share it. He may have messed up on things… but he had been able to fix them as well.

Another embrace, underneath the starry sky. “I love you, too.” Whatever happened in the future, she would always be in it. He believed that now.

He had no dreams that night.


End file.
